It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family. Here are some thoughts and guidelines when considering a personal visit at the funeral home: Upon arrival, go to the family and express a simple condolence. Traditionally, the Hindu funeral ceremony involves a ritual burning of the deceased body. May she rest in peace. Here, the priest oversees every activity. Traditional rites of Hindu funerals dictate that this ceremony should only be attended by men. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. What customs and traditions should I be aware of so that I can be respectful? 8. It is also appropriate to visit the home of the family to offer comfort and support. In such situations too, it is helpful to remember that no hospital would knowingly do anything that could harm the patient. Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. The family would have got over the immediate grief and anger by then, and will be receptive to conversation. And if you plan on visiting themyou'll spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. During subsequent visits, suggestions can be offered, but only when sought by the family. This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? Take a look. Every live session is customized for the client and built from our extensive menu of training topics. However, mourners should check with the family or the funeral director to find out what's appropriate for the funeral they are attending. 9. Such people can be heard passing comments like When you look at her, she doesnt come across as someone who just lost her husband. Following are a collection of questions and answers about bereavement to help guide you during difficult times. Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. Such tasks can include arranging for the ambulance, delivering food, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, taking care of paperwork, keeping smaller children occupied and assisting with funeral arrangements. The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. Below, well use this concept in offering messages for the loss of a child. After the shraddha ceremony, the family usually returns to work after 1-3 weeks. If you decide you want to do it, then write your talk from your heart. It may work for a coworker or friend who has lost their spouse. . If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after offering condolences. How can people of the Hindu faith be supported when grieving? Your sister was a beautiful person. People should wear white and not black. Upon learning of the death of a family member, friend or colleague, it is common to contact a member of the family to express condolences and offer help and assistance. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: A funeral/wake at the family's place. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. All Rights Reserved. During this time, because the family of the deceased is considered impure, they are bound by several rules of behavior. You are using an out of date browser. This period usually lasts for 10 days. Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. Certain rituals occur in the final moments, including: What should health and care professionals bear in mind? For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. Be sensitive to the level of help your friend is asking for. By merely being there, listening and taking care of the details, you'll undoubtedly be a great help to her during this sad time. In Gujarati families, there is a belief that the departed soul rests on the rooftop of the house observing everything for the next 13 days. During this time, some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in festivals and events, as well as discourage making life-altering decisions like changing jobs or moving. 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A Hindu priest will be invited to visit and to purify the house with incense, prayers and mantra. what to say to someone who has experienced a death, How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say. You should not bring flowers to a Hindu funeral. There is often an emphasis on white flowers. Where are we meeting for lunch today?, How was the movie last night?, Whats the score? are typical blunders that happen, which impart an uncaring celebratory tone to the visit. Because people will be standing, it is customary to keep the ceremony brief. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. Customs vary by tradition, but are conducted by a local priest and involve prayers, scripture readings and chanting. 3. Hindu mourning rituals will vary according to the sect, caste, circumstances of the family and a variety of other elements. Surinder taught his children to live with intent and to be good ancestors. It is also appropriate in Hindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. Then go with your intuition. The more eulogies that are to be delivered, the shorter yours should beno less than two minutes, but no longer than eight to ten. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. Seeing other friends and family members at the service may prompt conversations and shared stories about the deceased, lengthening the time of the visit. On the one-year anniversary of the death of the loved one, a memorial service is held in the family home. It could be anything from a gift of fooda casserole, a fruit basket, or some brownies for the family and their visitorsto an offer to house out-of-town relatives or friends. "Would you like to have lunch with me next Tuesday?" Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. It is important to avoid language bloopers like hearty condolences, a common error in this part of the world. We are very sorry for your loss. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . As an elder or wise member of the community, it would still be common to invoke Lord Krishnas name even if this is the parents chosen lifestyle. One needs to observe at least 10 to 30 days of mourning. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as speed is the best and appropriate choice. Also, there may be a Hindu funeral ceremony called shraddha that usually takes place after 10 days from the death. When writing sympathy cards for Hindu loved ones, geography plays a vital role. To this end, even a simple note will suffice. You are lucky he went early!, I know how you feel, I was devastated when my cat died last year!. The nominations for the 93rd Academy Awards will be announced on March 15. When some one dies his/her jeevan will remain for ten days from the day of death at the place where aparakarmas are being performed. Asking the person not to cry is like choking a person who is already gasping for air. If they are in hospital, it is helpful to inform the chaplain about their spiritual needs (with the patients permission). Once the major decisions have been made, visit, or at least speak with, the person performing the service. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. Blaming the family for not doing enough. Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. The time there can be brief and quiet. Unfortunately, blaming the healthcare establishment is a convenient way to vent the inevitable anger and grief. Grief is Complex, Etiquette Can Help Keep it Simple. Malayala Manorama apps - carry the world with you. While there's no rule book, the visitation, whether held at a funeral home or the family's home, is a good opportunity to express your condolences. It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. May Lord Krishna grant everlasting peace to her soul. form. Please accept my condolences for your loss. The Good Thinking team has produced this short guide to help anyone in the Hindu community across London who has lost a loved one, and to help health and care professionals who are supporting terminally ill patients of the Hindu faith. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. Some placement restrictions may apply. When one is in the cycle of rebirth, you would ask God to give momentum to the soul because the Hindu journey is ultimately to reach God. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. He leads the family and mourners in various Hindu funeral rituals. Plan a remembering celebration with family or friends. Finding the proper way to express condolences can be difficult. I understand that not only did your friend mean a great deal to you, but also that Keyur was well-loved by his family and community. Hare Krishna. Offer specific assistance: "I'm going to the grocery. During times of grief, everyone wants to say or do the right thing, the loving thing, the appropriate thing, but it isn't always clear what that is. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. A photograph of the. You could offer to be helpful to her, perhaps by helping her with her workload the day of the funeral or memorial service. Thank the family for offering the honor to you. Viewing the body is not mandatory, but is usually considered respectful if the casket is open and displayed near the family. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. While silence is perfectly acceptable, a few well-chosen, soft words of comfort can help ease the pain. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. At Hindu funerals, mourners should not wear anything black. After you hear about someones death, it is pretty customary to visit the deceased family at their place immediately for offering your sympathy. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Silence is a good option; a kind gesture can speak better than words. This depends on personal preferences. The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences). While the thirteen day intense period of Hindu mourning rituals may involve family and friends, the immediate family of the deceased is considered in mourning for a year following the death of the loved one. Would she like to have a reception for some or all of the attendees of the memorial service? Someones positive familial and community impact is enough of a statement to their character in and of itself. Moments with the family will usually be driven by the number of people waiting to offer their condolences. If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. We loved her as our class teacher, she meant so much for all of us.. All rights reserved. Some Indian-Americans journey all the way back to India to immerse the ashes in the Ganges or visit many pilgrimage sites to seek blessings for the departed soul and solace for their own pain. If you wonder what Hindu funeral traditions are like, they can be different from traditional American funerals, but the core fundamentals remain the same. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a sympathy note after losing a friend. Hare Krishna. Simple condolences are universally acceptable. This forum contains old posts that have been closed. However, it is usually the eldest son who presides at the cremation. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. Loss is hard. People sometimes blurt out statements in the hope of comforting the grieving, but achieve exactly the opposite. Making a phone call or a visit can mean a lot during such times. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. people will avoid going to the deceased house. We pray that Lord Krishna gives you great strength to travel through all of this suffering. There is a process of letting the deceased go and telling them goodbye with prayers and songs. It is proper to visit and be with the family during this time. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. Pinterest. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online It's best to wait until the funeral service is over to greet the family, unless they're greeting people before the service. The family primarily staying in the family home during this time. Service animals are allowed. For some cultures, a soft hug is appropriate, while for others a gentle squeeze of the hand will do. For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. In order to settle the estate, all outstanding bills and dues that the How To Express Sympathy: What To Say And What Weve compiled a list of things to sayand things to avoid sayingwhen A Quick Overview Of Proper Funeral Etiquette. Envisioning Fatherhood: Indian Fathers' Perceptions of an Ideal Father. Shinto - The tradition is to give used money to the family in an envelope decorated in black and silver. Exchange stories about your loved one. The Spirit cannot be cut, burned, wet, or dried. She was neatly dressed and even had her hair put up. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. Most of the Hindu mourning rituals performed are designed to promote the free expression of emotions. What kind of gift is appropriate for an occasion? It's best to stick with their request at such a sensitive time. The closer your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died, the sooner you'll want to reach out. Kalyana saavu is roughly translated as happy death, and you would use this phrasing to honor someones life and legacy. Are others going to be speaking about her? Please consider whitelisting us in your ad blocker so that we can continue to provide the content you have come here to enjoy. A "shraddha" ceremony. This link will open in a new window. (2.20) acche'dyo' yam adhaahyo' yam akle'dhyo' sya eva cha / nithyah sarva-gathah sthaanoor achalo' yam sanaathanah. Notes of condolence should be acknowledged with a handwritten note. Usage of any form or other service on our website is In either case, develop a list of questions that your friend will need to answer. In an attempt to get noticed by everyone, some folks have a tendency to be loud and overdo their visit. Those who are close to the grieving family can gently make sure that they dont miss their meals. Amen. Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. This ceremony is attended by male family members and a priest. Copyright 2018 Manoramaonline. We'll help you get your affairs in order and make sure nothing is left out. Usually, 6-8 people are asked. For some, writing notes is helpful as they work through their grief; for others it is too difficult to get much done for some time. This is an important death ritual, which usually takes place throughout the mourning period. If unsure, the best thing to do is stick to something straightforward. Emily Post training and consultation services are available for groups, businesses and individuals. It is also important to listen keenlythat is, without looking at our watches in between, fidgeting with our fingers or letting our eyes wander. Hare Krishna. Those people are greatly missed as they create such a hole for those they leave behind. Think through how you truly feel about it. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. The family may return to work following the thirteen-day period of mourning. I'm here for you." If its not possible to visit there, then make a phone call. Light a memorial candle at the table or for several hours on a special day. Sit down at your desk as soon as you hear of the death and let your thoughts be with your coworker as you write to her. 24/7 +65 9135 4444 Dismiss. May he rest in peace. Visiting in person and/or attending one or more of the traditions and rituals the visitation, wake, or shiva, the funeral or memorial service, and the burial or final resting service can be appropriate and will be appreciated by the mourning family. One must specifically avoid words that trivialise the event, some hilarious examples being: I cant believe he is deadhe looks like he might just get up any minute! Such dramatic statements serve no useful purpose to anybody except perhaps the perpetrator. It is eternal, all-pervading, changeless, immovable, and primeval. You can see he wanted his family to live well for many generations. What rituals take place before someone dies? Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the. With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. Dr. Vasudha Narayanan, Professor of Religion at the University of Florida and. Atma is beyond space and time. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. Funeral Mass (Requiem) is performed in a Catholic church by a priest. It's fine to ask others to share their memories and weave them into your eulogy. It is customary to visit within 10 days the family of the person who passed away. Unlike some religions, youll also find that Hindus mourn for 13 days, which can also determine what you should and should not write. One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. At a funeral, either the casket is carried by professionals provided by the funeral home, in which case the honorary pallbearers follow, two by two, or they flank the casket, as it is wheeled down the aisle. Keep your friend informed and get her feedback. This period of time is rooted in traditional beliefs, with each of the day being divided into "minor days" (4 days for each week). In her own time and way, she will start to venture forth more. Surely, a card or note to the mother would be welcomed as well. After bereavement, a person goes through denial, anger, bargaining, depressionand finally acceptancethese stages take time. There are several ways to show honor and to respect the memory of the departed, including visiting in person. She lived her life to its fullest, so we should celebrate her life to honor her legacy. Time spent at the funeral home may vary. The rituals will reflect a time of service and mourning, showing the familys dedication to Hindu teachings, beliefs about death, and honoring the memory of the deceased. Discussions about unhealthy habits leading to an early demise can be reserved for later. 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Some people are able to manage the delivery of a eulogy with aplomb; others can't even bear to think about doing so. Suit and ties for men and dresses for women, usually in greys or dark colors, are common clothing choices. to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. When someone you know has experienced the death, it's a natural impulse to want to reach out and offer sympathy, condolences, and support. Serve his or her favorite foods. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. Do not grieve for his body, for his soul is eternal. The soul is neither born, nor does it ever die; nor having once existed, does it ever cease to exist. Remember, the subject of your eulogy is the person's best qualities, not your feelings. Blaming the family for not choosing another hospital or doctor is a common and futile exercise that occurs at bereaved homes.